From “I can’t” to “I can”

I wish I could. But, I can’t. Not today. Crumbs litter the floor and dust bunnies roam about. The refrigerator has a mysterious sticky residue. Trash is overflowing and the bathroom has an odd odor. Laundry piles are scattered in every spare corner- clean or dirty? Your guess is as good as mine.

But I can’t. I can’t bring myself to sweep. I can’t wipe the fridge or change the trash. It’s too much today. The bathroom will just have to stink for another day and the laundry? Well, we all have on clean clothes and that’s OK.

I can’t talk on the phone. That is too much work. I needed to call the doctor to make an appointment for one of the children. But I can’t. I know they need to be seen, but it is not an emergency, only a well check. Today I can’t. Maybe tomorrow.

I can’t leave my house. I wish I could. But getting the kids in the car is too much. Talking to the lady at the grocery pickup is impossible. I can’t.

I wish I could, but I can’t. Not today.

As a child, I was taught not to say “I can’t.” This has served me well on many occasions. So I think I will try it today. Instead of focusing on all the things I “can’t” do, I wonder what CAN I do?

I CAN get out of bed. Even if it means going straight from the bed to the couch in the living room… it’s progress. I can do that.

I CAN eat. It may not be a fresh cooked hot breakfast. It might be leftover egg rolls with a side of chips. That’s OK… it’s food.

I CAN hold my babies. I may not be able to pull out the schoolbooks today. Or go through flashcards or counting beans. But we CAN watch a show on Egyptian archaeology or practice art skills such as learning to draw owls and chickens. My children may not be studying textbook math today. But they are learning that it’s OK to not be OK some days. They are learning life skills such as compassion, kindness and how to make a lunch. They are learning fun facts about Ancient Egypt and how to use a pencil for more than just writing.

I CAN write a reminder on the calendar to make that well check appointment. One day or a few more days will not make any difference.

I CAN have groceries delivered. They will text me that they have arrived. I will not need to speak to anyone. But I CAN open the door, smile and wave as they drive off. Talking is too much.. but a quick smile and wave… I CAN do that.

I CAN. I CAN focus on what I am capable of doing today. This will help me reset myself for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. I CAN allow myself today. I CAN allow myself to recharge. I CAN make time for my mental health.

Taking care of myself for one day will lead me to be a better person for those around me.

Some may argue and say that this is just life and to “deal with it.” While I might be inclined to agree somewhat, the fault in that line of thinking is not taking into account that this generation has the most anxiety inducing characteristics. We are always on the go and must create our own downtime that use to be a naturally included part of everyone’s life.

I CAN take these arguments and comments with a grain of salt. I can take time for myself to be a better person for others.

I CAN.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Philippians 4:13